When we think about the word, “dis-appointment;” ‘dis’ denotes the reversal of an action, ‘appointment’ can be defined as ‘an act of appointing; assigning a job or position to someone.’ Such positions reveal a responsibility that there’s an expectation to fulfill. So disappointment stems from failed/unfulfilled expectations from self/others. In regards to our relationships (romantic, business, friendships, etc.) how do you qualify their roles in your life? How invested are you in building those relationships? Have people failed your expectation because you gave them access to your life through a role they were never designed to occupy? Or you viewed them through the lens of past hurts, thereby concluding the intention behind their actions according to your judgments?
When disappointments are left unchecked, it hinders the growth of present relationships and the embrace of new ones. It places a roadblock in your relationships, that are purposed to be your greatest resource. Whenever God is doing something new in your life He does it through people. There’s a well known scripture in the Bible that’s often quoted (Luke 6:38, KJV) but there’s a particular line that’s rarely highlighted;
“Give, and it shall be given unto you; good measure, pressed down, and shaken together, and running over, SHALL MEN GIVE INTO YOUR BOSOM.”
Did you catch that? The blessing is brought forth through people! So its vital we learn how to manage disappointments, through that we are able to move from a place of love, and not the anxiety/fear of being let down.
Fruitful relationships aren’t perfect, it’s the outcome when people can see past flaws and connect with truth. In managing disappointments, there’re three things that I've learnt to be helpful (and there could be a lot more).
The Lord Jesus had many disciples that followed Him, but when it came to appoint Apostles; those being entrusted with the authority and responsibility of planting and building of the Church. He didn’t do it randomly, according to Luke 6:12-13
“He went out to the mountain to pray, and all night He continued in prayer to God. And when day came, He called His disciples and chose from them twelve, whom He named Apostles.”
Jesus appointed those that would become Apostles from a place of prayer, a place in seeking revelation about the identity of those that followed Him. This is the example of how we ought to appoint people in our lives. If someone is presenting a business idea to you or looking to date you, their chase does not qualify you giving them that position in your life. Many disciples followed Jesus, only twelve were appointed to be Apostles.
In prayer we receive a divine insight which could be communicated through different ways (that’s another blogpost), and upon that revelation the relationship is established. Its not established on feelings that could change but the word of God that revealed the identity and positions of the people in your life, its on that word that you are empowered to overcome any challenges that would’ve easily caused dissension if the relationship was driven by emotions.
According to Galatians 5:22, Patience is a fruit of the Holy Spirit. It is one of the fruits produced in the life of a believer that submits to the leading of the Holy Spirit. Patience necessitates faith. Faith empowers us to live according to the wisdom of God; an understanding that is not shortsighted according to what we see but farsighted according to what He knows about the outcome. This must first start with self, we often become impatient with people because we are also impatient with ourselves. If something doesn’t happen in the timeline we hoped, we easily give up. However, that is moving by sight and not faith.
In Luke 22:34, Jesus told Peter, His disciple (amongst those chosen to be an Apostle) that three times Peter would deny Him. Nevertheless, this didn’t disqualify Peter as an Apostle, Jesus was patient with Him because He knew His true identify. So prior to the passage He said to Peter in Luke 22:32, “But I have prayed for you, that your faith should not fail; and when you have returned to Me, strengthen your brothers.” When we have a revelation of people from a place of prayer, and we come in agreement with God concerning what He has shown us, the very things that would naturally make us impatient with people would be the things we pray for concerning them.
Sometimes relationships fall apart because an individual held on to their perspective about an incident. According to their judgment of what happened, that person shouldn’t be in their life. However, perspective is your interpretation of an event. So to hold on and justify your perspective as truth is a selfish way to build a relationship.
True relationships are built on sacrifice. Love is sacrifice. “For God so loved the world, that He gave His only Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have eternal life” (John 3:16). In other words, “For God so LOVED the world, that He SACRFICED…”
We ought to always be willing to broaden our perspective; to be open minded to the other person’s interpretation of what happened. It doesn’t mean that you’ll agree with the act but you’ll have an understanding about their intention. Often times this understanding might not even come from the person, the Holy Spirit could reveal to you their WHY. The key is to be willing to broaden your perspective, which goes hand in hand with patience.